Losing Control

By Laura

August 2006

knightstorm@exemail.com.au

Disclaimer: The usual. These characters aren't mine. Like no shit because if they were Voyager would have been a lot different. Anyway, I'm borrowing them for fun, no infringement intended to Paramount and I certainly make no money from this.

Pairing: J/7

Rating: NC-17

Timeline: Voyager has made it home but “Endgame” never happened.

Thanks go to LZClotho for beta reading.

As soon as Seven rounded the corner and heard Phoebe’s raised voice she knew she should have turned and gone the other direction. Instead of doing the logical thing, she let her human instinct hold her to the spot and eavesdrop on the argument Phoebe was engaging in with her sister, Captain Kathryn Janeway.

“Kathryn, you’re being ridiculous!”

Seven briefly considered which glare Kathryn would be pinning her sister with for that comment. Even Seven, who had on many occasions fought with the Captain, would never have dared to call Captain Janeway ridiculous.

“Spending your days here at Starfleet Headquarters, trying to find the first ship to race back out into space on. You care for Seven… I’d even go so far as to say you love her!” 

Seven nearly choked on her next breath of air and waited anxiously for Kathryn's reply.

“Do you have to raise your voice?! Why don’t you just go into the communications room and announce it to the entire building!”

Seven's ramrod posture slumped slightly at the reply. Not exactly the declaration of love she had been holding her breath for, but not a denial either.

“Maybe I should do that! Surely someone who hasn’t sworn their secrecy to you would then tell Seven and then Seven could finally have some say in this herself! To be honest, I wish I’d never promised you I wouldn’t tell her!”

Seven raised her eyebrow, curious as to what this secret was.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

Obviously something important, Seven thought to herself. Kathryn's reply had been more of a warning to Phoebe than a simple reply. The Captain's voice pitched to its lowest, deadliest register.

Seven ceased her speculation when she heard Phoebe sigh and begin talking again.

“Of course not, Kathryn, I just don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself. You’re not eating right, not sleeping right. You spend all your free time here working and you’ve not responded to Seven’s messages. You could at least let her know you’re okay.”

Seven felt pained at hearing the list of difficulties Kathryn was inflicting on herself.

“We kissed.”

Seven froze. She had not expected Kathryn to confess to this, not even to her sister. With the way Kathryn rushed the words out Seven surmised that she had not expected herself to say it and had done so before she had time to consider it.

“Excuse me?”

“I said we kissed. Seven and I. We kissed. It was a week ago at the welcome home party for Voyager. We danced together; she looked more beautiful than I ever remember seeing her. Her scent was intoxicating; she was the only person in the room I was aware of. Before I could think I reached up and kissed her.”

“Oh my god! That explains a lot! What did Seven do?”

Silence... Seven strained to hear, thinking maybe Kathryn was now whispering and this was why she could no longer hear her. Just as she was becoming frustrated, a young Ensign walked around the corner and nodded at her. Seven tried to stand casually against the wall and nodded back, hoping the Ensign didn't find her behaviour suspicious. She looked down at her new positioning and noted sardonically that she did not do a 'casual' pose very well.

“She kissed me back.”

Seven's head shot up at Kathryn's response, her body again resuming its rigid stance.

“And you haven’t spoken to her since?”

“I have. The next morning she came to Headquarters looking for me. We went out to the gardens and I explained that it shouldn’t have happened.”

Unwanted memories flooded Seven's mind. That morning had been one of the worst moments of her life. She felt sick every time she thought about it.

“You what?! Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway, you are even more dense and stupid then I thought!”

Despite herself, Seven felt galvanized by Phoebe's outburst on her behalf.

“It’s not as simple as you make it sound, Phoebe! Seven had no idea what she was getting herself into! She’s only been away from the Borg for four years! She was assimilated when she was six years old! She’s only had the human experience for a total of ten years! She’s a damn innocent for Christ sake!”

Indignity washed over Seven. This is the reason for Kathryn's rejection! This pre-conceived idea of my innocence!

“For a woman who has a Vulcan for a best friend, your logic there is pretty twisted sister. Let me ask you this… did Seven kiss like she was ten years old?”

Seven made a mental note to thank Phoebe.

“I didn’t think so. You used getting home as an excuse to keep Seven at arm’s length when you were in the Delta Quadrant and now you’re trying to use her inexperience as the reason. That woman may only have ten years human experience as we see one, but she has seen and done things that make her older than either of us or anyone else in this damn building. If you can’t see that Kathryn, then you’re the one that’s too innocent, not her.”

Seven wanted to jump out and applaud Phoebe!

"Don't presume to tell me about Seven.  I lived with her for four years. I'd say I know her a hell of a lot better than you do!"

"You didn't live with her, you lived around her!  As well as living around your feelings for her!"

Seven considered what gift she could buy Phoebe.

"This conversation is over!"

“You’re not a Captain with me, sister. I don’t give two shits about your rank and you know it. You can’t just dismiss me like you can Seven. Like you’re trying to dismiss your feelings for her.”

Seven wondered then if buying Phoebe a new car would be too over the top.  Her thoughts on the matter quickly changed into sympathy when she heard the tone Kathryn's next words were delivered in. She knew that tone all too well as she did the glare that went along with it.

“I’m doing what’s best for her, just like I always have. I won’t let my own selfish desires get in the way of that. I never have before and I’m not about to start now that I’m back on Earth.”

“Seven’s not impaired Kathryn and she’s not a child. I think Seven can decide those things for herself now.”

Obviously Phoebe was not intimidated by her sister's infamous death glares. When no response was heard from Kathryn, Seven thought maybe she had missed the petite woman's retreating footsteps, but then Phoebe was speaking again.

“Fine, let her go, Kathryn. Next time you see her and she’s hanging off some Admiral’s arm, don’t look surprised. You had your chance. I’m sure someone else, very soon, will see Seven for the mature woman she is and will be more than happy to let Seven express that side of herself.”

Now Seven heard footsteps moving down the hallway, a sharp click of heels letting her know that it was Phoebe. Seven could envision the cutting glare Kathryn would be directing at Phoebe's back for her sister's parting comment. Seven stood rooted to the spot a moment longer, wanting to confront Kathryn, yet also just wanting to get as far away from the infuriating woman as she could. In another few seconds the latter feeling won out.

As Seven made her way down the hallway everyone that got a glimpse of her as she passed gave her a wide berth. With each passing second that Seven had to consider Kathryn's words, the angrier she became.

Seven tried to calm herself by considering the facts she had. Kathryn loved her. Seven had already suspected this for a number of years and after that kiss they had shared she had been sure of it. She had been at Starfleet Headquarters to track Janeway down and speak with her again about the incident. Thinking again of Kathryn's words to Phoebe caused another bout of anger to rise within her.

Innocent! After four years the Captain still thinks I am some innocent child that needs to be coddled! She thinks I had no idea what I was getting into when I kissed her back! Maybe I should have told her exactly what I wanted to do to her at that moment, I am positive she would not think me so innocent then!

As Seven reached the exit and made her way down the ramp and out of Starfleet Headquarters she found herself stuck behind a very old, slow moving Admiral. She barely restrained the impulse to push him out of the way. Thankfully he moved aside and she bolted forward, not wanting anyone else to get in front of her. Once she found herself away from the suffocating building, she broke into a light jog across the sprawling landscape. All she wanted to do was get back to her apartment and… Seven’s thought was cut off when a woman suddenly barrelled into her, sending them both to the ground.

“Oh my god,” the woman started, standing up. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry! I was playing a game of football with my friends over there and I didn’t even see you. I was concentrating on the ball. I’m so, so sorry, really.”

Seven brushed off the hand the woman offered and stood up quickly. “I am undamaged.”

The woman smiled. “I’m glad to hear that.”

Seven was about to walk away, the incident forgotten, when the other woman spoke again.

“My name is Dallas, you’re Seven, right?”

“That is correct.”

Seven was surprised as the woman stepped closer to her, into her personal space and Dallas’s smile turned seductive. Seven had seen the desire in other’s eyes enough onboard Voyager and since coming to Earth to recognize it instantly. Did Janeway not see the way other people looked at her? Not as some innocent child but as a sexually desirable woman? An idea started to form in Seven’s mind, a very un-Borg like smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“Seven, I know this will sound very forward of me, but I would love to take you out sometime. Would you do me the honour?”

“I appreciate directness and I would be happy to have you accompany me to the Starfleet dinner at Headquarters two nights from today. Will you accept?”

“It’s a date, I’ll pick you up at six.”

Seven didn't notice the wink Dallas threw her way, nor did she notice the way Dallas swayed her hips as she made her way back to her friends. She was thinking about the plan that had formed in her mind twenty five seconds ago. An evil, wicked smirk fully formed on Seven’s lips… Kathryn thinks I am innocent… in two days she will know better.

***** 

Why the hell did I ever dream of talking to Phoebe about this! Janeway berated herself as she made her way through the corridors of Headquarters to her temporary office. Her sister had always seen everything so perfectly black and white! Life really wasn't that simple and things concerning Seven definitely were not that simple!

Arriving inside her office she immediately went for the replicator and requested a black coffee. She carried it with her to her desk and sat down in her plush, leather chair trying not to think of Phoebe's parting words. The rest of the day was entirely unproductive as the legendary Captain Janeway brooded.

*****

Kathryn closed the comm and threw the padd she had been reading across the room with a yell. Then she threw her comm unit across the room and watched with satisfaction as it smashed into pieces. However the rage quickly surged again. She stormed up the stairs of her new house and into her own private holodeck. One perk of being a lost Captain in the Delta Quadrant for seven years is that upon return you get pretty much anything you want.

She told the computer to begin the Velocity program before she even stepped inside the holodeck and stormed in firing.

Commander Dallas fucking Adams!!! The damn playgirl of Starfleet! Her phaser beam impacted the disc, sending it hurtling away from her. Leave it to Phoebe to call her at 9am and inform her all about the dinner last night and all about Dallas being there with Seven. Phoebe was sure to leave no details out. She got a full run down on all of their activities.

The Velocity disc impacted her in the ribs, expelling a sharp grunt from her lungs and serving to infuriate her further. That's going to leave a bruise.

"Computer! End program!"

Immediately the game disappeared and the yellow lines returned. Janeway stomped back down the stairs, taking off her uniform as she went while at the same time sending a message to Headquarters that she would not be in today. Another perk. They wouldn’t question her. If she wanted time off, she got it.

Janeway was naked by the time she hit the bottom of the stairs, her uniform thrown haphazardly on the staircase. She opened a sliding glass door that led to her pool. She took a running start and sailed head first into it, welcoming the thump of the water against her naked body. Still, after twenty laps the rage was still there. She jumped from the pool and into the sonic shower, setting it to full and hoping it would bash the taunting images from her mind.

That failed too. “Damn you, Seven!”

Why the hell are you damning Seven! You’re the one that tried to convince yourself she’s Miss Innocent!

“I’m a fucking fool! That kiss we shared was not innocent." A rather maniacal laugh erupted from her as she thought of what Phoebe had told her.  "And what she and Dallas were caught doing on the balcony was far from innocent!”

Kathryn's imagination drove her insane! She was going to kill Dallas and she was going to have Seven! Seven was hers!  She had always been hers and would always be hers!

With her mind made up Janeway ran back up the stairs to her room where she quickly tugged on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Running back down the stairs, she opened communication with her car and programmed in the coordinates of Seven’s apartment. By the time she was outside, her car door was open and she jumped in. Engaging the manual drive so the speed restriction would be taken off the vehicle, she pressed the accelerator to the floor and let the car guide itself to the programmed coordinates. She just wanted to make sure they got there as quickly as possible.

The five-minute drive over had done nothing to calm Janeway. All she had time for was imagining Seven with Dallas.  She lowered the car down next to Seven’s apartment and jumped out. Janeway was pressing the entrance buzzer before her car door finished closing.

Seven opened the front door dressed in her white silk bathrobe. Before she could get over the shock of seeing who was standing there, Janeway pushed Seven inside, slamming the door behind them.

Seven shivered with a mixture of fear and lust as Janeway turned eyes heated with anger and jealousy onto the blonde.

“Is the bitch still here?”

“I do not know to…”

Seven was cut off as Janeway got in her face, glaring at her angrily. The ex-Borg delighted in the low, controlled way Janeway spoke. Seven had often found herself feeling aroused during their arguments aboard Voyager when the Captain would express her rage in that tone. Always trying to remain in control.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know who I’m talking about. Just to make it easier though and to cut through the shit, I’m talking about that slut, Dallas. Is she still here?”

A feeling of anticipation shot down Seven's spine hearing the venom as Janeway pronounced the last four words. 

Swallowing she reflexively took a step back. “No. She departed two hours ago. She is leaving this morning at 1000 hours for a mission. She will not be returning for two weeks. How did you know she and I were together?”

Seven already knew that Phoebe would have been the one to relay the gossip. Seven had never seen Janeway like this.  Aboard Voyager they had many arguments, but Janeway had never once, even for a millisecond, been this out of control.  Seven found it extremely erotic.

“That really doesn’t matter, what matters is that I know and that you are never going to see her again. Or anyone else for that matter.”

Janeway backed Seven up to the kitchen bench with each step she took forward. Her eyes raked Seven’s body, her hands already anticipating the feel of Seven’s flesh. The bathrobe was partly open and she could see the soft curve of Seven’s breasts.

“You cannot tell me who I can and cannot see. I will do as I please!”

Seven hadn't actually meant to challenge Janeway, however, instinct kicked in and the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Janeway’s gaze raced up to Seven’s own and held them in a possessive grip. Seven bumped into the kitchen bench and Kathryn kept approaching until their bodies were only an inch apart.

“You are mine, Seven Of Nine. You have always been mine and you will remain mine. Do you understand?”

Seven felt chills go up her spine at the possessively husky tone. She could almost feel the words embracing her body.  Staring into Kathryn's eyes she saw everything she had always wanted to see in them.  Desire, passion, lust, longing and love.  Seven was never more sure that the only thing she needed in the universe to survive was Kathryn Janeway.

When Seven did not respond, Janeway raised her right hand slowly up Seven's body.  Not touching, but close enough that Seven could feel the heat of her through her flimsy robe.  Suddenly Kathryn gripped Seven's erect nipple between two fingers and squeezed it roughly.

"I said, do you understand?" Kathryn's voice was rough and wild.

Seven gasped out a yes, the pain and pleasure inflaming a fire already building inside her.

Janeway released the swollen nipple, now taking the breast in her hand and massaging it with teasing intent.

"Get on the bench," Janeway ordered.

Seven immediately complied.

Kathryn spread Seven's legs as soon as the blonde sat and pulled the ex-Borg to her.  Janeway pulled Seven’s head down to her own, both women moaning as their lips met and their tongues glided together.  Seven's legs wrapped around Kathryn's waist while her hands slid up the Captain's back and into her hair.  Seven had always wanted to run her fingers through it.

When Seven moved one of her hands between them to pinch Kathryn's nipple, Kathryn broke the kiss and moved back.

"No.  Not yet."

Seven didn't question. She only wanted the feel of Kathryn enveloping her again. 

Kathryn pushed the robe off Seven's shoulders, eyes filling with lust as it pooled around Seven's waist and revealed two beautiful, perfectly shaped breasts.  Janeway wasted no time in sucking one of the rosy pink nipples into her mouth.  Her tongue swirled around the hard nub while her teeth bit into the softer tissue.

Seven's head fell back as she groaned her appreciation. 

Kathryn longed to see Seven enjoying the sensations she was causing her but could not pleasure her and watch her from her current position.  Giving the nipple one last, rougher bite, she put her hand on Seven's chest and pushed her back down onto the bench.  Janeway watched Seven's breasts rise and fall with each quick and shallow breath.  She found her own anticipation reflected back in Seven's eyes. 

Kathryn placed one hand over Seven's exposed labia and pressed firmly against it, causing Seven to moan and push into her hand.  Then she moved her index finger down to where she knew Seven wanted her to go and lightly teased her there.  Seven was now trying to thrust herself onto the finger she knew was tantalizingly out of reach.

"Is this what you want?" Janeway asked, dipping her fingertip into Seven's wet opening, her voice deep and husky, coloured by lust.

Seven groaned but said nothing.

"Tell me, Seven, tell me you want me.  Tell me you're mine."

Janeway still had thoughts of Seven making love with another woman occasionally flit through her mind and she slowly felt the fury over them building again.

"That bitch will never have you again, do you hear me?" she repeated with barely contained rage.  Kathryn then entered her index finger quickly and deeply into Seven.

Seven yelled out her pleasure and surprise, her head rising and then hitting the bench.  She had never been touched by another before and the feelings were overwhelming.

Kathryn moved the index finger all the way out, returning only a second later, this time with her first and second finger, filling Seven completely.  She relished how tight Seven was, enjoying the feeling of Seven's most intimate area squeezing her fingers.  She quickly started pumping in and out of her fiercely, not yet touching her waiting clit.

Seven experienced sensory overload. Never had she imagined making love would feel this exquisite.  The feeling of Kathryn moving inside her body was amazing.  She heard grunting noises coming from somewhere and realized with shock they came from her own mouth with each thrust of Kathryn's hand.  Her hips were keeping automatic rhythm with the auburn woman's sleek fingers. 

Janeway delighted in the animalistic noises from Seven but she wanted the ex-Borg to scream. Lowering her mouth to Seven's clit, she got exactly what she wanted.

As soon as Kathryn's tongue touched Seven's clit, Seven jumped in surprise and let out a scream.  If she had been overwhelmed before, now she was beyond knowing how she felt. She was nearly beyond knowing where she was or who she was.  All she knew for certain was that it was Kathryn making her feel this way. 

Kathryn removed her mouth from Seven's clit and looked up Seven's body to the young woman's eyes, finding them half-lidded with unbridled pleasure.

"D-don't stop, please," Seven pleaded.

Kathryn moved her thumb to Seven's clit and flicked it. Seven jumped, the touch moving through her like an electric shock.

"Tell me you're mine, Seven," Kathryn demanded, thrusting deeply.

"I-I-I am yours," Seven managed to get out between thrusts, her voice hoarse from screaming. 

Kathryn smiled in satisfaction, and lowered her head to bring Seven to her long needed release.

Finally Seven screamed out Kathryn's name while her hips thrust forcefully as she climaxed.  Kathryn took everything from Seven she could, wanting to feel those internal muscles clamping around her fingers for eternity.

When she was sure Seven had given her all, then Kathryn removed her fingers. She took Seven's arms and pulled her up, into an embrace, kissing her passionately.

The rage Kathryn had felt at Seven sleeping with another woman was still there, but she had appeased it for now. 

"So, did Dallas make you scream like that?" Kathryn asked, a self-satisfied smirk gracing her lips.

"Dallas never touched me," Seven replied steadily, staring into Kathryn's eyes.

A look of confusion came over Janeway's face.  What was Seven talking about?  Phoebe had told her that... shit.  Phoebe had only told her that Seven had been caught on the balcony giving oral sex to Dallas...

"But Dallas spent the night with you…" 

"She did sleep here, but that was only because my residence was closer to Headquarters than hers.  When we arrived here she promptly passed out.  She had imbibed much alcohol throughout the night and became very intoxicated."

The wind had been effectively knocked out of Kathryn's sails.  "So you two, she never..."

"No," Seven interrupted, trying not to grin at Kathryn's stumbling words. "She never touched me.  However, I did provide oral sex for her as you were informed.  It lasted 20.2 seconds until Phoebe came out onto the balcony and saw us.  The activity then ceased and we returned here where she promptly passed out."

"So this was your, I mean what I just did to you... on the kitchen bench..." Kathryn's head fell into her hands.  She had just deflowered Seven on the kitchen bench.  Oh god.

Seven took pity on Kathryn and gave a short laugh of amusement.

Kathryn peeked from between her fingers at the smirking ex-Borg.

"Are you laughing at this?"  Kathryn was rather stunned.  Seven deserved so much more for her first time.  She had done what she did because she thought that precious first time had been stolen from her. 

Seven slid off the kitchen bench and took Kathryn’s hand, guiding her to sit with her on the couch.

"Kathryn, I do not regret what just happened..."

Janeway interrupted, "But I was angry! And it was the kitchen bench!"

Seven put a finger to Kathryn's lips, silencing her. 

"Yes, it was my first time." Kathryn closed her eyes at this, whether it was from relief that it was indeed her first time or out of regret for where it had taken place, Seven wasn't sure.  She surmised it was likely both. "I do not care where it took place, so long as it took place with you."

Kathryn could see the sincerity in Seven's eyes, but considering last night’s events, the statement seemed rather hollow.

"That's very sweet Seven, but you were going to sleep with Dallas.  You can't have two first times."  The bitterness was easily heard.

Seven sighed.  "I never intended to copulate with Dallas.  I used her." Kathryn's head shot up from the floor at this declaration. "I am not as innocent as you assume me to be, Kathryn.  I used Dallas to obtain what I wanted.  I overheard you and your sister at Starfleet Headquarters three days ago.  You told her I was too innocent for you to pursue a relationship.  You referred to me like a child and this angered me… greatly.  I had a ... collision with Dallas outside, I could see her interest in me and I decided to use it to my advantage.  You and I belong together and you were fighting that. I needed to show you the truth."

Kathryn was stunned.  She never dreamed that Seven would go to such lengths!  The cool blonde had always been so... perfect.  Using someone to get what she wanted was something Janeway would never have thought Seven would do.  It seemed contrary to her honest nature. 

"I don't know what to say, Seven... that just doesn't sound like you."

"Indeed.  I do not think under normal circumstances I would be capable of using someone else.  However I was extremely angry and hurt.  I believe I felt much the same way you did when you came here this morning.  Except I was not feeling jealousy as you were."

"Oh was I!  I'm sure that's a side of me you'd rather never see again." Janeway responded, shaking her head at her own behaviour.

"On the contrary," Seven started, raising her metallic eyebrow, "I found it extremely arousing.  I felt like you possessed me, that you were claiming me... I enjoyed the feelings this caused in me."  

Kathryn smirked with surprise.  "You're certainly not innocent, are you?"

Sliding her arms around Kathryn's shoulders, Seven slid her body provocatively against Kathryn's. "No, I am not.  I ceased to be innocent the moment I fell in love with you."

Lowering her head to Janeway's, she captured the wine coloured lips in a searing kiss, while guiding Kathryn backward onto the couch.

"Now Kathryn, I am going to show you in great detail how bad I am."

"God, I love you," Kathryn moaned while Seven trailed her hand down Kathryn's abdomen to unbutton her pants.